


Hopeless

by BaekRen



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Normal Life, Angst, Childhood Friends, Love Triangles, M/M, Unrequited Love, idk - Freeform, replacement
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-11-27
Updated: 2018-07-25
Packaged: 2018-09-02 14:55:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,926
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8671801
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BaekRen/pseuds/BaekRen
Summary: Junghan has always looked at him. At him who always looks back with a smile while seeing someone else in Junghan entirely.





	1. Chapter 1

Junghan felt the heat of the sun directed to his face causing him to groan and shift his position. He must have forgotten to fix the blinds last night.

He faced the other way, only for his face to be greeted with hair. Lots of it. He groaned again and pushed the body next to him away. He heard a thud that almost made him look to check whether the person he pushed down was alive, but he decided to just snuggle under his blanket. Besides, no one would die with a simple fall on the floor.

“Yah, what the hell was that for!? I could have died!” Junghan heard. It came from the floor.

“But you didn’t.” Junghan stated, hugging his pillow tighter. Suddenly, the blanket hugging his body got yanked away. He could only groan and give his aggressor a glare.

“You know, for an older brother, you’re actually doing a pretty shitty job.” His aggressor commented. Junghan simply scoffed. He didn’t need this type of lecture this early in the morning.

“You know, for a younger sister.... Lol you don’t look like one.” Junghan countered, giving his younger sister a head to toe before he buried his face into his pillow.

“Argh! I hate you!” He heard his younger sister say. Junghan just laughed at this.

“Love you too. Muah.” He added before closing his eyes shut.

Junghan never was a morning person and he plans to keep it that way for the rest of his life. The longest record he has of sleep is thirty-seven hours with plans to set a new one on maybe today. To hell with school.

Just as he was about to drift back to sleep, he felt someone sit at the edge of his bed.

“Go away, Tzuyu. If you really value our blood relatedness, you’ll leave me alone.” Junghan said in irritation.

“We’re not blood related though.” A soft voice filled the room.

“Good. Now leave me alone.” Junghan said, pulling his blanket over his head. Jisoo had other plans though, yanking the blanket immediately causing Junghan to groan in frustration yet again.

“Why don’t people want me to be happy!?” Junghan asked bitterly, as he sat up straight and gave Jisoo, who’s currently sniggering in victory, a glare.

“I want you to be happy though.” Jisoo said, giving Junghan the sweetest smile he could manage. Junghan immediately averted his eyes since he knew that that smile wouldn’t do him any good. If more, it’s kind of a form of torture. One that doesn’t use violence to harm and would instead hurt you from the inside.

“Yeah, yeah. Whatever you say.” Junghan said in defeat. He finally stood and moved out of his bed. He was about to grab the blanket to fold it when Jisoo beat him to it.

“I’ll do it. Just go and take a bath already. We might end up late.” Jisoo said, not even glancing at Junghan.

“You could drop the gentleman act, you know? Tzuyu’s not here anyway.” Junghan commented. Jisoo turned red after hearing the comment and coughed awkwardly.

“Cute.” Junghan taunted before heading towards the bathroom, ignoring the twinge he feel in his chest. Again, just like yesterday and most probably tomorrow too, he’ll have to act like how he did just now and pretend that everything is just fine.


	2. Chapter 2

A package.

That's what the neighborhood calls them. Wherever Junghan is, you'll find Tzuyu and Jisoo. They were always together as if it were the most natural thing in the world.

It was a pretty small town where in people come and go. People move in just to move out and Jisoo's family was the same. They were originally from America and if it weren't for his mother's work, it would have continued that way.

Junghan's family was the opposite. They've been here for almost forever. His grandmother lived in the said municipality and in it is were she and Junghan's grandfather first met.

Junghan's grandmother spent the whole of her life within the walls of the town. She didn't like the idea of traveling. Junghan's grandfather on the other hand, was a free-spirited person. And although Junghan never got the chance to meet him, from the pictures he found in their attic, he could tell that his grandfather really loved to explore and that it was his passion. It's noticeable by the way he smiled as he held a lion cub against his chest as if it was his own. One can easily see the glint of happiness in his eyes as he wore the head of a dragon when he participated on a festival he attended in on China.

In that one particular album are the adventures his grandfather lived during his early life. Each picture was alive. It was overflowing with emotions that one just can't help but feel half the feeling the person on the photograph felt. At least for Junghan, that is.

I was by chance that he found the old album. The three of them were playing hide and seek like any other children do, and Tzuyu, who lost in rock, paper, scissors, had to be it. Junghan looked for a place to hide and somewhat found himself inside the dusty old attic. Just as he was about to hole himself between two giant boxes, a golden book caught hie eye. He took it and viewed everything inside. It was a photo album with pictures that all had something in common, the man standing in the middle who later Junghan identified as his late grandfather. The pictures were neatly arranged and if one looks closely, the evidence of time could be clearly seen as the very first picture was when Junghan's grandfather was still a teen, followed by pictures that showed how his grandfather made his way through adulthood.

The images were so vivid that until today, as he browse the album again for the nth time, the feeling he felt that day was still the same old feeling he feels today.

"What are you looking at." Junghan looked up in surprise only to see Jisoo enter his room. Junghan was laid stomach first on his bed.

"It wouldn't hurt you to at least knock." Junghan said as he return his gaze to the photo album. Jisoo ignored Junghan's comment and sat on the bed.

"Still can't get over the fact that that album won't ever be filled?" Junghan heard Jisoo ask. Junghan paused for a brief moment before he turned the album to the next page only to be greeted by its blankness.

"Yes." Junghan stated as he closed the album. He won't ever understand why the picture stopped. Jisoo shook his head wearily and grabbed the other album on top of Junghan's study table. It was different from the other album. Instead of gold, it was silver, and instead of having blank pages, it was filled until the last page.

"You do know that it's because of this, right?" Jisoo said, waving the silver album infront of Junghan's face. Jisoo was also there in the attic that day. He followed Junghan since he didn't know where to hide.

"I know that it's because of that. I just don't understand why." Junghan said as he grabbed the photo album that's almost on top of his face and opened it. The pictures were shot here in the village. The clean creek just around the neighborhood, the park where most of the people spend time in, and many other common places that you'd know of if you've spent half of your life living with in the boundary of the town.

"You'll understand someday." Jisoo said as he smiled at the picture on the very first page. It was a picture of a couple outside the town's church. They looked genuinely happy.

"He chose to abandon his passion to be with my grandmother. He stopped traveling for my grandmother. I know that. I also know that he's happy. I can see it it. But was it really that easy for him? Didn't he at least regret his choice a bit?" Junghan went on. He wanted answers, which sucks since the person who could provide it was already somewhere far away. In 'heaven' as Jisoo likes to call it.

"I guess he loved both, but the other weighted more in his heart." Jisoo hummed. Junghan just sighed in defeat.

"Again with this love-love stuff. When will you ever change?" Junghan asked as he closed the silver photo album. Jisoo laughed at Junghan's question partly because he knew that the other must be so fed up with hearing about that word, but Jisoo can't help it. He just love the word 'love' so much.

"Never." Jisoo stated proudly while Junghan rolled his eyes. "Don't worry. Someday, you'll understand everything. Why he made that choice, why he sacrificed something he clearly loved and many other things you'd like to know. Who knows, maybe you'll experience it first hand. Though I can see you running away when it's time for you to chose between two important matters." Jisoo joked.

"You have no idea." Junghan said from under his breath as he laughed.

"What is taking you two so long!?" A voice shouted coming from the the outside of the room causing the two to look at each other and laugh in chorus.

"Let's go. She'd kill us." Jisoo stood up and extended his hand towards Junghan who simply looked at it.

"I'm not going." Junghan said as he shifted his position and inserted himself inside his blanket. Jisoo was about to argue when Junghan beat him into talking first.

"I'm still not feeling well." Junghan mumbled. Jisoo rubbed his neck upon hearing what Junghan said.

"That's also what you said yesterday." Jisoo argued. Junghan fake coughed which made Jisoo shake his head in defeat. Junghan saw this and tried to stop himself from laughing.

"Just go, will you? Who knows, something good might happen with you two." Junghan said, giving Jisoo a wink which in turn made Jisoo flustered.

"Go die!" Jisoo said before he ran off outside, probably to where Tzuyu is. Junghan laughed again, remembering how embarrassed and red the younger boy was before exiting the room. It was entertaining and bad for him at the same time.

"I'm already dying though." Junghan answered, though the person he's talking to was no where to be found.

 _'Who knows, maybe you'll experience it first hand. Though I can see you running away when it's time for you to chose between two important matters.'_ Jisoo's voice played into his mind.

He sighed before hiding under his blanket. He didn't want to experience it, but as if life is playing a game on him, the choices were thrown at his face without a warning. Well, maybe there was a warning, it's just that he was to stubborn to heed them.

He closed his eyes. This is what he chose after all, so the sooner those two get together, the better.

 


	3. Chapter 3

Jisoo was 7 when he started to stick close to that lazy kid who’s always found sleeping under one particular tree each afternoon. How they ended up pals, he’ll never forget. It was one heck of a bizarre encounter anyway. How often does a young boy who simply got lost and is finding his way back home get wrested by another kid out of the blue. The answer is quite simple. They don’t. So imagine a young child getting jumped on by another child who had nothing on but an underwear. If that wasn’t worst enough, how about a child wearing nothing but an underwear whilst screaming ‘hardcore parkour’ as he jumped on a young lost child. 

“Hardcore Pakkooooooooouuurrrrr!!!” A high pitched scream Jisoo heard before he felt someone jump on his back. He didn’t know what happened after because normally, humans who faint wouldn’t know what happened to them after losing consciousness.

He only regained his consciousness after feeling something hot dripping on his face. He opened his eyes and saw a ‘monkey’ as Jisoo identified it, crying just above his face. It took him a minute to realize what was going on and realized that the ‘crying monkey’ he sees above him was the kid who shouted ‘hardcore parkour’ and jumped on him with plans of ending his life, maybe.

“Don’t die.” The monkey kid said through his wails that Jisoo couldn’t help but laugh. The monkey kid was surprised though so he kinda shoved Jisoo’s head away. It was then that Jisoo realized that he was laying on the monkey kid’s lap. He groaned in pain as he sat up, rubbing the back of his head to ease the pain. 

“Are you alive?” The monkey kid asked. His face was a mess. Probably from crying too much, Jisoo thought.

“Nope. I’m.........a ghost!” Jisoo answered as he tried to mimic an epileptic zombie. Jisoo knew that he sucks though, so he was expecting the monkey kid to yell at him for fooling around but he got a different response instead.

“UWAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!” The monkey kid cried. Jisoo got startled of course because who would have thought that his lame acting skills could cause someone to cry to this extent. And to think that he said he was a ghost but acted like a zombie instead.

“I’m kidding! I’m kidding!” Jisoo said as he rushed towards the monkey’s side. It was the only solution he could think of to stop her from crying.

“I’m sorry! I was just fooling around! I’m not a ghost! See???” Jisoo said, grabbing the monkey’s hand and placing it on both his cheeks. I might have worked because one way or another, the monkey kid calmed down a little. Now that Jisoo was closer, he could now register that the monkey was indeed cute. Why a girl would run around naked with only her undergarment, Jisoo found weird.

“Don’t cry ok? Girls get ugly when they do.” Jisoo reasoned out as he used his shirt to dry the money girls face. She began wailing again, much to Jisoo surprise. Weird enough, he found it cute and endearing.

“Why, why, why, why are you crying again???” Jisoo panicked as he pulled at his shirt and placed it on the monkey girls nose. Cute, he thought.

“Blow.” Jisoo muttered. The monkey girl simply obeyed and did as she was told, which was blow her snot out. 

“Because Han is not a girl!” The monkey girl protested, hitting the ground with her small fists. Jisoo got worried so he grabbed them. He didn’t want her to be crying again because her hands hurt.

“Who is Han?” Jisoo asked dumbly, focusing more in the hands he’s stopping from moving. ‘Han? Is he the crush of this monkey girl?’ Jisoo thought with a frown. To think that he already has a rival this early on. And to a girl he just met a while ago. The road to love is no joke, he thought.

“I am Han!” The monkey kid exclaimed about the same time she managed to break her hands free. It was about that time when Jisoo didn’t know what;s happening anymore because the monkey girl just stood up and pulled her underwear down. Jisoo, being a gentleman that he is, immediately covered his eyes before he sees something he shouldn’t.

“What are you doing!?” Jisoo asked, his face flaming in embarrassment. He wasn’t ready for this yet. He was just a 7-year-old! He doesn’t even know what he isn’t ready for!

“Peeing.” The monkey girl said, unfazed about the fact that she’s just standing there now completely naked.

“Why now!? I’m a guy, ya know!?” Jisoo said as he force his logic on the stubborn monkey girl 

“Me too.” She answered without batting an eye. Not that Jisoo knew. The poor guy was covering his eyes like his life depended on it.

“SEE!? I AM A GUY AND YOU’RE ALSO A GU- wait, what.” Jisoo said, removing his hands from his eyes. And he saw it. An elephant. There was a baby elephant between the monkey girl’s legs just like what Jisoo has between his.

“You’re a boy!?” Jisoo stated in terror. Scratching his head as he grasp his current situation. To think he fell for a boy. He could only smack his forehead.

“Han! There you are! Mom’s gonna kill you!” Came a high pitched screech from a kid a few steps away from where Jisoo and the other boy are. The kid walked towards them and charged towards the monkey girl-who turned out to be a boy. The kid was wearing a dress that flew as she jumped and tackled the monkey boy. 

“What the hell was that for!?” Han said as he rubbed his cheek.

“Who are you?” Jisoo added. He didn’t want to assume things anymore and instead decided to ask directly because he didn’t want to repeat the same mistake. Just because someone looks cute, doesn’t mean that kid immediately a girl. But right now, the situation is kind of different that ‘Just because a kid is wearing a dress doesn’t make that kid immediately a girl’ is more suitable.

“I’m Han’s sister, Tzuyu!” Jisoo heard the word sister so he could now say goodbye to having further misunderstandings. She went towards Jisoo and shook his hand and it was at that moment that he saw her more clearly because she was now closer. She really did look like monkey boy. Actually a female version of him would be more accurate. She smiled at Jisoo and Jisoo thought that he might have already died a while ago without him knowing because an angel appeared infront of him.

 

 

 

“-soo.”

“-isoo!”

“Yah, Hong Jisoo!” Jisoo snapped out of his trance when a crumpled paper flew towards his face. He could be making his revenge right now but he won’t. 

“Let’s go home already!” Junghan whined as he threw another crumpled paper at Jisoo’s face. Only this time, Jisoo was able to catch it before it landed on his face. He saw Junghan frown which only made him laugh.

“Hardcore Parkour.” Jisoo said, which caused Junghan to suddenly turn red as a tomato. The word has never failed to make the other shut up and today was no exception. Jisoo laughed at the older’s reaction before standing up and gathering his things. The memory from eleven years ago was something he could never live down. 

He was about to tell Junghan to also start clearing the things on the table, but he saw that the older was busy glaring daggers at him. Jisoo could only laugh at how cute Junghan is.

‘ _He really does look like her._ ’ Jisoo thought as he found himself thinking of Tzuyu yet again.

 

 


	4. Chapter 4

On the same day that Junghan and Jisoo first met, Junghan immediately knew that Jisoo liked his sister. It was written all over the boy’s face. The boy had the ‘I have an angel infront of me’ look, as Junghan would describe it in the best way he can as a child, and if that wasn’t enough evidence then Junghan would dance a weird dance craze.

 The thing is, Junghan didn’t care about it that time. He was just busy rubbing his sore cheek that was brutally kicked by a barbaric girl named Tzuyu. For a small girl, she could kill an elephant, Junghan thought. In the end, the siblings went home.

And Junghan, he didn’t really care at first. He didn’t mind it really. Jisoo was a gentle person. He was caring to the point that it’s too much. He’s the type of person who’ll do anything to make someone happy. Junghan knew that if ever the two were to end up together, his sister would be in good hands. That’s what he felt at first in all honesty.

Jisoo was always there for the two siblings that you’d think that there’s an angel watching over them. For Junghan, it was the best when the three of them are together. They’d play and laugh and do stupid things and then accidentally break windows. In the end, none of the siblings got scolded because Jisoo always took the blame. Good times.

In Junghan’s young mind, he thought that it would be great if those days never change. That it would be great if even after everything, the three of them would still be together like always. But then he started feeling this weird feeling in his chest. It was uncomfortable. Like he can breathe but there’s this weird sensation that’s squeezing his lungs. He thought he was just tired and simply brushed it off until eventually, it became hard for him. He didn’t know the cause. It just happens without warning. Still he kept it to himself. He couldn’t let the two worry. He thought he could deal with it by himself and that’s what he did. It only happens when the three of them are together any way. What could possibly go wrong?

It wasn’t until his’ and Tzuyu’s 15th birthday that he realized why those weird feelings randomly occur. He’ll never forget that day. He was trying to find Jisoo and Tzuyu because their birthday celebration is about to start. He almost gave up when he heard whispering from the tree house in their back yard. Junghan planned to surprise them so he silently climbed the steps embedded into tree. That was indeed his plan, but he found himself surprised instead. It was a scene he usually saw. The two were laughing. Talking animatedly, even. And everything was fine, except at the same time, everything wasn’t. He hated the sudden realization that hit him. He realized why he felt that squeezing feeling and hated himself for it. He realized that he was feeling hurt all this time, and it wasn’t even because he felt left out. It would be way better if that was case.

_Why is it her and not me?’_ Junghan thought. And that wasn’t a good thing. He froze. It was against his initial thought of the three of them always being together. He felt like the biggest traitor as he realized what that question meant. I would have been better if he never learned why. Because this simply means the three of them together won’t be possible with him feeling this way. He was about to go when the two saw him and beckoned him inside the tree house. Taking a deep breath, he told them about the party starting soon. His eyes not meeting either of the two. He wanted to apologize to Tzuyu for his thoughts, but apologizing for what he feels doesn’t seem right. He could only wish that he’ll wake up feeling nothing at all. Wishing he understood it wrong, but every little thing fell into place after that day.

The glances he stole. Why his eyes always followed Jisoo. Why he won’t be settled without pestering the other boy at least once a day. Everything pointed to him liking Jisoo. And it weighed him down. The pain gradually increased after the realization. He was no longer confused, but still hurt none the less. So he told himself that this won’t do and started distancing himself from the two because maybe then can he give up that way. Yet three years after, his stubborn feelings still won’t go away. He can only wait for it disappear. He just needs a reason to completely give up and Jisoo being kind as always isn't helping.


End file.
